Owen's Story: Part Six

...continued from Parts One, Two, Three, Four, & Five

Our drive home that night was strange. The last time we had driven on the interstate was one of the most exciting drives of our lives. We were going to meet our baby boy that day. This drive home was one of of the hardest. Did all of that really happen? Did we really just spend six weeks in a hospital? Did Owen really just die?

It feels like Brian and I aged twenty years in those six weeks. We are different people now. We didn't want to be those people who lost their newborn baby, but we are.

Coming home and seeing Toby again was comforting. He was so happy to see us- it had been so long! It was emotional being home. We left our house before with Owen in my belly, and now he wasn't with us. I sat in his nursery because I felt closer to him in there. It was all ready for him. We had everything we needed, but we didn't have him. Brian and I were just so sad. I cried myself to sleep that night. 

The next morning, I had a hard time getting out of bed. It was easier to just sleep... I let myself just lay there for a long time. I was numb. I had no desire to do anything. It felt so strange not to rush out in a hurry to get to Owen. That had been my life for the last six weeks. But that life was now over. I didn't have an appetite. I had to force myself just to drink water. People kept telling me I needed to eat. They told me that at the hospital too. I knew they meant well, but it really made me angry. I could only do so much. 

We had to plan his funeral. How in the world do you go about doing such a thing? How do you make decisions when your heart is torn in two and you can't think clearly? Our parents, my sister and Brian's sister really helped make everything happen. We wanted Owen's funeral to be personal, and a celebration of his life, and it was just that.

We printed pictures to display with some of his favorite things. All of his beads that he got in the hospital were there too. He had so many.

Mr. Frog, his crotched hearts, and his favorite books.

Our favorite verse which hung on his crib while we were at Egleston.

 

Natalie and Joy Lynne read testimonies from people who commented on Owen's caring bridge site. My uncle Vann preached a powerful message on hope. He included an incredible testimony that was posted online by someone we've never even met. It was beautiful.

"I would not have thought that I, an almost 70 year old man, could learn anything from an infant child. I would not have thought that an infant child could have opened my eyes so wide that I could see the glory of God so vividly. I would never have believed that an infant child could show me what it truly meant to have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

Some of you know that over the past several weeks, thanks to sister Tami Dillard, I along with literally hundreds of others, have been praying for an infant child who since birth (six weeks) has been fighting an incredible race for his life. The group called "Team Owen" have for the most part been praying for this child whose name is Owen Parker along with his parents. As always in these situations we pray for God to give us a miracle and heal the person giving them a full life here on earth as well as comfort for them and their parents. Well I have to report that late last night my brother in Christ finally yielded to our Heavenly Fathers' will and passed to be with the Heavenly saints. Owen is totally well now and will be for eternity.

I never personally met Owen nor do I know his parents. I never met but only a couple of the people on Team Owen. However I can tell you that I have never felt so close to anyone or anybody than I have over the past few weeks than Owen. I have never felt such a camaraderie with a group of people as Team Owen. What did I learn. Through Owen my eyes were opened wide to the true love of God. Owen was like a magnet tearing at my heart saying that this is what real love is in the eyes of God. So innocent yet so powerful in its meaning. This child showed me through his trials and tribulation what it truly means to have an "intimate" relationship with someone you have never seen or touched.

My friends, God has used this child to bring literally hundreds of adults closer to Him. He used Owen to bring us all to our knees in humble prayer to God in Heaven asking for a miracle, but all things in accordance to His will. We were asking for the miracle of healing of Owen. But for me, God gave the miracle of Owen Parker for my healing. No I never got to meet Owen, but I got the opportunity to "feel" him in my heart. I now truly know what the Lord meant when he responded to Thomas saying "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Thank you Father for using Owen in my life as reawakening as to how it feels to have this intimate relationship with my Lord Jesus. I look forward to meeting Owen in heaven."

God was glorified at Owen's funeral, and Owen's life was honored by many. I felt peace from the Lord that day. When I went to sleep that night, instead of replaying traumatic scenes from the hospital over and over in my mind like I had done before, I remembered his funeral and how much I loved everything about it. It was a happy memory even though it was a sad day.

Owen was so full of life. We couldn't have imagined a more perfect baby than our sweet Owen. He was fearfully and wonderfully made, and God knew the days of his life before any of them came to be. Owen has renewed our faith and taught us to take nothing for granted. He has given us hope. Hope in things eternal. There is a deep ache we feel since our arms are empty. We miss him so much. We never knew we could love someone as much as we love him. It is unfathomable to imagine how much more God loves him and all of us, as we are His children.

On our second day at Egleston, I tearfully told our nurse Amanda that my prayer was that others would draw closer to Christ because of Owen. That people who do not know the Lord will find salvation because of Owen's story. God is already answering that prayer.

I feel so honored to be Owen's mom, and I will never stop telling his story. He will be in my heart forever.

"We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you." 
Psalm 33:20-22