moving forward

May, 2014. This is when Brian and I decided it would be a good time to start looking for a new job and possibly relocate. Owen would be three months old, I would be finished with my fifth year working at my school, and Brian would be finished with school for computer programming. Moving with a baby wouldn't be ideal, but it would be such an exciting time full of new beginnings.


For over a year, we have had the desire to move to Charlotte. We love North Carolina, and we both felt strongly about settling down there eventually. After Owen died, we felt like we needed a fresh start. We didn't know what that would look like, but we decided to go ahead and start looking for jobs. Charlotte could be our fresh start. We knew it wouldn't fix our problems, in fact, it could make them worse. But we knew ultimately that it was where we wanted to be, and this seemed like the right time to move forward.

It all happened so quickly. Within two days of sending out resumes, Brian had a phone interview with a financial company in Charlotte. Two weeks later, he interviewed in person, and four days after that, he was offered the job. And not just any job... This is a job that he really wants. It's exactly what he wants to do. He accepted the offer, and we will be moving in June. 

We are thankful for the opportunity and excited to be moving back to North Carolina, but our happy emotions are dampened by our sadness. Owen should be here with us for this move. Our grief counselor gave me an analogy that is so true. He told me that I see everything now through dark shaded glasses. Every single thing, even happiness is darkened now. It sounds depressing, but it's just the way it is. Faking it and not feeling these emotions would just make it worse. I don't like to be sad. I'm not normally a sad and emotional person. It takes so much energy to grieve. But it's important. I have moments of happiness and excitement, but those moments are not the same as they used to be. This new job and move should be such celebratory events, and they are. But they are darkened a few shades... 

He went on to say that over time, if I let myself grieve and let my emotions out, the lenses of those glasses will become lighter and lighter. This man lost his two-year-old in a car accident thirty years ago. He knows. Hearing this from someone who has also lost a child has so much more weight than it would from someone who has never experienced this type of tragedy. He said that it will take a lot of time, but it will happen... Slowly, the lenses will get lighter and lighter. I am looking forward to that day when they do. 

Owen has given me a whole new perspective on life. I find myself not stressing about the little things as much as I did before. Big things like packing up our house, finding a place to live, starting a new job, living in a new city, and all the other stressors that come with a move are all so minor in the grand scheme. Owen has also taught me to pray differently. Instead of praying for things to happen because I want them to happen, I ask God to show me if it is what he wants for us, and to make it clear. I think he made Charlotte a pretty clear "yes", and he is already starting to work out all of the details. 

Leaving Georgia is bittersweet. This is where Owen spent his entire life. In my belly in our home and at Northside and at Egleston. Those will always be special places to us. We are also sad to leave our family and friends that we have spent the last five years with. Even though Charlotte is a new city for us, we already have support there. Some of our closest friends are there, and it is the perfect central location to visit other friends and family who live just a few hours away. We are excited about a new adventure. Owen is coming with us in our hearts. He will always be with us wherever we go.

*Photo credit: weblogcharlotte.com

9 comments:

  1. Congratulations on the new job and the new start in Charlotte – what a beautiful city. God is clearly leading you. I know your Atlanta friends will always be here for you, but I'm glad you have some friends who are just as anxious to have you back with them. Thank you for this very thoughtful post. I pray God's blessing on your move and on your new home. The memory of your bravery and strength will always stay with me, as will the memory of your sweet little boy.

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  2. Even though it's 30 minutes further for us to drive to see you, I'm so thankful for this move. I still can't believe that you're moving. Yes, Owen is with you wherever you go; that's for sure.

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  3. So excited for you guys. Congratulations on the new job. We just moved from Texas to Richmond and love it. Originally we had our heart set on Charlotte, NC because it is truly a beautiful city. You guys will be so happy there and not to far from your in-laws. I will be praying your move goes without a hitch. Thank you for the update.

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  4. Congrats, God bless you daily, I wish you all the best and Owen will be in your hearst foreverlike your little angel!!!

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  5. Congratulations on your move. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Prayers for you as you take this next step.

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  6. I don't know you but am friends with Miranda Webb. Praying for beautiful days and clearer eyes each day. May God fill your heart and eyes with himself and may your life and your marriage shine for him in ways you never dreamed of. Nancy Head

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  7. So thankful that many prayers have been answered and that you'll be so close to us!

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  8. Hi Allison! I'm a friend Natalie's in Virginia and I've been so touched by your strength, courage, & Owen's life and the impact he has made. I ask her every time I see her how you guys are and I'm so happy for all of the exciting changes that are coming! Congrats on the job! -Brittany

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  9. Hi Allison. I knew Brian in HS. I remember catching a glimpse on FB that you guys had your baby and I may have even clicked like or wrote a "congrats!" that day. Didn't think much of the fact I didn't see anything else really. Until now, when your tagged picture and caption popped up on my feed and I noticed the past tense. My heart sank as it led me here. I don't have words that are adequate enough, but my heart hurts for both of you. BUT, your pictures are simply beautiful and your faith is so inspiring. I hope Charlotte brings you peace and "clearer lenses". Much love from TX- Michelle Kerr

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